Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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