I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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