WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
