how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
