All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What a dumb baby whore.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
