GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
