I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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