I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
