I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
