You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
