My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
