it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did I show you my penis last night?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
