sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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