we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
