was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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