people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
