The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
