party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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