He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
