Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
how drunk are you?
Several
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
