just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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