So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
