I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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