Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The air taste purple.
Randomize
