Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
