you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
