I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
