did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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