oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
