My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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