I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
