We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
