I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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