Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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