My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
