the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
