I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
