1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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