my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
