The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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