Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
