How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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