your room smells of hookers.
And success
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
