just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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