I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
