I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
