Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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