maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
