I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
