Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
